Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
This has become a quote I use quite often, although it’s more paraphrasing, “We do the best we can with what we have.” Same difference.
From July of 2022 to February 2024, I worked in cemetery sales. I went from a Family Service Advisor, to Location Coordinator, to out, in that amount of time.
No, I wasn’t let go, or fired, or nudged out; I left on my own free will. As humans, we all have free will.
The freedom to do what we want, when we want, how we want, where we want, with whom we want. Now, there will always be consequences or celebrations to such feats, but free will still exists.
After 7–8ish years in funeral service, I needed the break. I know, I still worked within the same realm, in death care, but it was different in many ways. Let’s count them.
Number one: The schedule. I began at 8AM every morning (Monday through Friday) and left at 4:30PM. In the rare instance that I stayed later, it was only 15–30 minutes, when an appointment went over. I was home by 5PM practically every night, outside of those Target or Aldi pickups my wife set up for us (I mean, me).
Number two: The money. I made more money than previously as a funeral director, on an overall scale. I was salary and commission. I had months where I sold well over $100,000 worth of cemetery products (i.e. grave spaces, crypts, headstones, vaults, etc.). My take-home pay during those months was double my monthly mortician checks.
Number three: I could wear what I wanted, provided it was dress-casual. I still wore a suit and tie every day, but at least the suits could be any color. The dress shirts mattered not. Ties were optional, but I always affixed one. Socks, naturally, I matched them to my tie. I prided myself on being the best dressed, and I think I came out pretty well. To feel good, and come across as a professional, I believe in dressing the part.
As a funeral director, your schedule is more, for lack of a better term, unscheduled. Sure, there are business hours, from 8AM to 4PM or 5PM (depending on your firm), but life (or death) happens outside of those hours. Death sleeps for no one, and when a death call comes in at midnight or later, a funeral director is there. Night visitation or vigil service? A funeral director is there. Weekend Mass or burial? Yep, funeral director.
Anyone that works in funeral service, whether they are maintenance, administration, apprentices, embalmers, funeral directors; everyone thinks they are underpaid. The truth is, that funeral service is a hard way to make an easy living. The pay is generally good-to-great, when compared to what my friends and family earn. While I may have made more than most of them, I also put in a lot more untimely hours than them. Unscheduled.
A lot of funeral homes require a certain color scheme when it comes to what you have to wear. I’ve had navy blue. I’ve done all black. I’ve even done, it-doesn’t-matter-as-long-as-you’re-wearing-a-suit-and-tie every day. This can wear (no pun intended) on a person. The same suit, shirt, tie, socks, and shoes, every single day? Yikes. This bothered me earlier in my career, but not so much now.
The point is, that while there were plenty of positives to cemetery sales, it still left me feeling hollow at times. Sure, the schedule was great for my family. The money was great for me (and them), too. There was still some internal satisfaction, knowing that I was helping someone take care of their burial plans. Overall, I enjoyed my time at the cemetery.
Truthfully, if it wasn’t for a few things that wore on me, I could have seen myself doing it for quite some time. In the end, my heart won out.
I missed being a funeral director. I missed the gratitude and the hugs, as you help a family through the biggest tragedy of their life in losing their loved one. I did that at the cemetery at times, sure, but nowhere near the stage or circumstance. Funerals are big time. Catholic Masses are tremendous. Being the one who leads a family through their worst moment is something you cannot put a price on.
That feeling is priceless, regardless of what my salary may be.
When it came to the cemetery, sales are sales. There were quotas to hit. There were other Family Service Advisors to watch out for. Oh yeah, that’s right, your colleagues were more like competition than friends. I made some great friends, don’t get me wrong, but there were others I still cannot fathom the greed.
Stealing family contacts just to try and make a sale. To say you worked with someone previously when you had not. To go through a person’s desk and dig for anything you could find. A lot of mischievous behavior and thievery happened while at the cemetery. This happened, not once, not twice, not even three times, but weekly. Everything internally, was centered around money.
I loved what I did, in helping families bury their loved ones. I believe in our products and that everyone should preplan for themselves. I bought into that side of things. I never bought into doing “whatever I had to do, to make a sale,” even if it meant hitting my quota for the month. We were told that we could be let go if we did not hit our quota.
I had one month where I doubled my quota. The next month I was a few thousand dollars short, and was asked what happened. How was I going to rectify this? What am I going to do differently to hit my quota next month? I thought management was joking. They were not.
Another straw was when my wife was nearing the birth of our child. I was told that I had two weeks of paid paternity leave. Awesome. Very kind. I appreciated that. I also had about a month of vacation time saved up. I mentioned possibly using some of it to extend time with my wife and newborn baby. I was told I could, but that I was still expected to hit my monthly quota. I was told that I could still make phone calls, send emails, and mail letters while at home.
It was even suggested to me that I book appointments and come in while my wife and baby slept. On vacation. On paternity leave. While my wife and newborn baby are at home. I should have quit right then and there. I honestly regret not doing so because of that.
The final straw, however, came in November of 2023. I received news on a Monday morning, November 6th in fact, that my best friend of 30 years passed away.* I had no appointments that day, so I planned on crying it away. I still had to get my phone calls, emails, and letters in. I still had to clean the mausoleum for two hours. I cried the whole day while doing so.
* To read about my best friend, Josh, click here.
It was during that day, I asked myself, “Is this really what I’m supposed to be doing with my life? My best friend is dead, and we will never get that time back. Here I am, cleaning, for people I don’t respect, nor respect me, for purposes none other than greed. I could be doing something I love with my life. I think I want to go back to funeral service.”
While it would take a few months for me to finally leave the cemetery, as I wanted to push through the end of the year. I had to wait until the holidays were over, expensive as they are with a family. I wanted to see if things got any better within myself. They didn’t. I was done. I had lost any motivation to continue in cemetery sales.
As fate would have it, my last funeral home employer was looking. I was looking. I always told my wife that I would only return to funeral service if the time was right, the pay was right, and more importantly, it was a place I believed in. Well, everything checked off, and by February 2024, I was back. I couldn’t be happier with my decision.
Being a funeral director is what I do best in this world. This is why I returned to funeral service. I have free will. I choose to be where I am, doing what I can, with the time I have.
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Life, Death, and Everything in Between. 