There was a time when having a website was considered crazy.
I’m not talking about the 80s or 90s. I’m talking about nearly a decade ago. At least, it was for the funeral home I was working at.
I may have been a newly minted, fresh-faced apprentice funeral director, but I still had ideas. And thoughts. And a lot of questions.
One thing I never expired on was asking about anything, and everything when it came to being in funeral service.
I asked funeral home owners about how they got their start in the business. I asked them to explain to me how overhead worked. I asked why they charged an arm and a leg (dad joke I know) for their services.
Once I had things explained to me, I understood. Not only did I get it, but now I could defend it. I could explain the process and pricing to the families we served.
By the end of our conversations, everyone involved saw the value. As I grew in experience and years, my questions never waned.
There was one time I was speaking with a funeral home owner about our website. It didn’t showcase our building or staff. There was no mention of who we were or what we did.
Just a name, obituaries, and contact information. Scratch that, it didn’t even have our correct phone number on it.
I was a licensed funeral director and embalmer at this point. I was proud of what I did. I was proud of what funeral service in general means to the public.
I practically begged him to let me run our website and spice things up a bit. At least let me bring us into the 21st century, I wryly commented.
My jaw didn’t drop when I was told that I could move forward with things as I wanted as long as he OK’d the changes ahead of time. No, my jaw dropped when he sort of laughed and said, “You know Noah, there was a time I thought having a website was a waste of time.”
OK. Now THAT is ridiculous. It made more sense to me as my time there went on, because the more ideas and questions I asked at this particular funeral home, the more I was told, “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it, Noah.” Or another classic, “There’s a reason we’ve been in business over 100 years.”
One of the biggest mistakes a funeral home (or any business for that matter) can make is staking their claim to doing things “the way grandpa did it.” Imagine not having a website in today’s world. Shoot, I have one and who am I?
Grandpa doesn’t live in 2023. He lived in 1923. Big difference.
In today’s world, we have Zoom-run funerals and arrangements. We can complete an hour’s worth of paperwork in under ten minutes through various programs and computers. We can advertise and drive traffic to our business without ever printing on paper again.
Serious question, do the Yellow Pages or phone books in general still exist?
Too much of a good thing can also be a negative, though.
Funeral services may be for the living, and also as a way to say goodbye, but to do everything from a screen; is that a positive?
Just because you can, it doesn’t always mean you should.
When COVID hit the world back in the Spring of 2020, I got it. I asked questions every day, and every day I was met with new answers. We were changing our policies every day, unfortunately.
As statewide and nationwide changes were being instituted, we had to adapt. Adapt or die. We had to offer virtual visitations or viewings. We had to meet families through Zoom or complete paperwork via email.
But as time went on, and changes were sometimes made permanent; is that such a good thing? Having a website, yes. Promoting your business in phone books, no. Offering families the option of virtual funerals, perhaps.
I say perhaps because to me there is no substitute for seeing someone in person. To say goodbye and have closure through that farewell.
Cremation is on the rise because it is less costly, and because it seems to be more efficient when it comes to disposing of someone. I say disposing of someone because I want the reality of that to set in.
The surviving family chooses the final disposition of their loved one. Years ago, cremation was thought to be a fad, just like the internet and the websites that followed.
Traditional viewings, visitations, church services, and full-body burials were the norm. That’s how grandpa did it.
In today’s world, grandsons are the opposite. It’s about how much we can do with as little effort or time as possible. To maximize profit, while still serving families as best we can.
Cremation seems to be that bet. Running arrangements via Zoom or email cut times in half. Offering virtual services makes it so no one has to leave the comfort of their home.
I’m not saying this is a bad thing. I’m just saying this is the new reality. Technology plays more of a part in funeral service today than actually meeting face-to-face and shaking someone’s hand.
Again, I get it. I understand it. I’m also going to keep poking and prodding. I will never wane on asking questions. The tough ones. The easy ones.
I love funeral service as a whole. I love helping families through the most difficult time of their lives. But I’m also a traditionalist stuck in a millennial’s body and mind.
I would not be where I am today without the technology and access to information I have. It’s not the way grandpa did it. And that’s OK until we become that grandpa.
As George Santayana wrote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” So I close by saying buyer beware: Technology is a great and powerful tool, but remember that funeral service is built on emotions and relationships; not a computer screen.
Life, Death, and Everything in Between. 