No, not quite yet. We’re at the finish line. I’m rounding third. Here comes the white flag. Set the gallows. This is it. This is 38.
In three days I will be turning 38 years old. I keep mentioning this, in no small feat, because every year I celebrate being on this earth, it is another year closer to death.
I don’t mind discussing my death. I don’t mind living, either. In fact, I enjoy life so greatly, that I am trying to get out as many words as possible on every subject I know. I don’t write nearly as much as I should, or can. What I have written, though, is all that I know.
I’ve published three books thus far in my life. I have written about my poker-playing lifestyle in my early twenties. I have written about my family life, friends, and relationships. My failures and successes. I went from sleeping on a gas station floor to graduating from college with an Associate’s Degree in Funeral Service. I obtained a life insurance license not long after.
I wrote about being a welder in my later twenties. I wrote about addiction. I confessed to a lot of wrongdoing, to myself and those I love.
You might think I’ve done a lot with my life. I have. And I haven’t. I always want to do more. The few things I have done with my life were never part of any plan. The only one I followed through on was becoming a funeral director. That was my high school dream job, and I finally achieved that status at age 32.
Everything else that I mentioned; I never thought would happen. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But that’s life. It is what it is. We can only play the cards we’re dealt. I can’t make thoughts disappear on a whim. I have to fight through them. I can’t change my past. I can’t forward time and heal all wounds, either.
All I (you, we) can do is what we can with the time we are given. Nothing more, nothing less. I’ll be 38 years old on Tuesday. It’s now Saturday morning. I used to watch Pokemon, and Yu-Gi-Oh, and Cardcaptors, and Sailor Moon, and Digimon (remember those?). I used to spend Saturday mornings hungover. I used to be at church or the funeral home at this time (8:32 AM) getting ready for the long weekend on-call.
My point is, that I used to do a lot of things. Used to. What I do now wasn’t part of the plan. But I’ve made it work. I’m thriving. I’m happy (again). I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend, fiancee, future wife, and best friend. I couldn’t ask for a better spot to be in right now career-wise, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I have everything I never knew I wanted or needed.
The average life expectancy for a male in the United States is around 76 years old. Women live longer, guys. So we get to go first. Most of the women I have met and know are very strong, independent, and love with everything they have. They deserve a great life. They deserve to outlive us.
In three days I’ll be 38 years old. I’m halfway to 76. Here’s to a life of achievements I don’t even know will come.
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Life, Death, and Everything In Between. 