Clean Heart, Sober Mind: What I Learned After 100 Days of Sobriety

On June 19th, I knew I had to make a choice: Live or die.

I chose life. We should all be so lucky.

Sunday morning, June 19th, 2022, I was told I needed help. I knew I did. I knew my mind was not right. I knew I was at my literal wit’s end. I knew if I didn’t stop abusing my mind, body, and soul, all would cease to exist.

So I stopped. I sought help. Professional, psychiatric help. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To physically take those steps, forward and backward, to heal and to hope.

It was a lifetime coming, and I made the right decision. After a life of making poor decisions after poor decisions; it was high time I made at least one correct choice in life. 

I chose love. We should all be so lucky.

via https://unsplash.com/@kellysikkema

I said that I would do whatever was necessary to lead a happy, faithful, loving, trusting, healthy, clean, and sober life. I needed to find my faith in God again. I needed to believe in myself again. I needed to show the one woman who meant the most in the world to me, that I was worthy of her love.

It’s been 100 days (to the day) since that Sunday morning. In some ways, it’s been the absolute hardest. I have given up vices I never thought I would. In other ways, it’s been the easiest, mainly because of the reasons why I am doing it.

I found my “why.” I found my daily and life-long motivation. In less than two months I’m going to marry her. She’s promising her life to me, and in return, I promise so much more to her. 

I promise to never use an illegal substance. I promise to never drink alcohol. I promise to always be faithful. I promise to have and to hold; to protect and comfort. For richer, or poorer, I do.

It’s been 100 days. I learned that for every reason not to do something, all you need is one reason to do something. I learned that love is the most powerful force in the world. It has the strength to destroy, and the means to cleanse.

I have also learned that it’s not too late, it’s never too late.

If you or anyone you know need help (in any way), please dial 988 or visit www.samhsa.gov.

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